feelings Tag Archives

Fearful for the Future: A List

An incomplete list of things I fear as the mother of a 21-month old boy: // cancer; drowning; dying in a fire; dying in a Trump-related nuclear conflagration; getting hit by a car;  growing up and going to university and …

“I’m a Punk!”: Toddler Time

Tonight, my no-longer-a-baby baby, clad only in a diaper, climbed on top of me and bellowed “I’m a punk!” the way a wolf would howl gleefully at a moon. He’s 20 months old. In baby terms, he’s a teenager—funny, wise, …

Drift and Earthquakes: On Friends

Many years ago, I read an advice column about ending friendships. The columnist pointed out that it’s not like a romantic breakup, which has a protocol and a timeline and had been immortalized in fiction and onscreen (mostly by John …

High School :: Motherhood

There is a picture of me somewhere—I’m not sure who took it or where I’ve seen it, but I have—of me in high school. In it, my hair is wrapped in a pink scarf, I’m wearing a vintage Coca-Cola shirt, …

Maternal Energy

When I was a kid, my mom favoured the kind of art that you might thing of as “boring museum:” gauzy and romantic, featuring lots of children in straw hats, mothers in white lace dresses, lazy days on a skiff, …

There Is A Toddler, And There Is Me

I didn’t know I wasn’t really a baby person until I spent a year with one. I love NS, obviously—everyone loves their own babies—but babies are tedious little creatures sometimes. They’re in there, but the humanity is sketched broadly and …

For the Want of a House

It’s been a hot minute since I’ve put pen to paper / finger to keyboard, and basically the reason is that our lives are really fucking tough right now! So it’s hard to be breezy about fun pants I want …

Schrodinger’s Siblings

There is a moment happening in my life right now, where I feel the tug of a second baby. But it’s not what you think. It’s the space where the tug should be, and I am aware of its absence. …

Trying (and failing) for our tribe

I recently had an “aha!” moment while reading Sebastien Junger’s 2016 book Tribe. It’s all about how modern society has shifted away from our tribal roots—duh—and how moments of collective trauma, like war, reconnect people to their primal, tribe-centric selves. …

Selfish

We are on minute 54 of screaming right now. Fifty-four minutes of screams of various pitches and modulations. Sometimes, there’s a rattling sound, when a bit of snot gets lodged in his nose. Otherwise, it mostly just sounds like shrieking. …